These people should simply realize that things have changed, resource based industries are a thing of the past. Why don't they focus on the new gold rush, tourism! Not only tourism, but short term rentals, real estate speculation, and the real cash cow, Surf Shops! Just announcing that a community is now a "tourist destination" will, overnight, raise prices in the local restaurants by as much as 150%! Jobs!! It's about jobs!! How about fish farms? Aquaculture provides lots of local jobs, and there's a large salt water inlet adjacent to the town. People just need to adapt to changing times. Hey, Tofino has a bunch of dedicated municipal staff, that we'd be delighted to get rid of, who could teach Port Alice how it's done. Have they considered the many benefits of festivals?
Good to see the people of Port Alice are trying to SAVE the town... What to do? First. Port Alice needs to get the UN to declare the entire area, Port Alice the whole sound out to the open ocean, as a Biosphere Reserve. They will come.
Then fake some pictures of an excellent left breaking surfing wave at Winter Harbour. This only happens one day a year but it doesn't matter. It's all bullcrap, but it doesn't matter. Promote the shit out of any wild animal that moves and has cute furry babies. Find some stuffed ones if necessary. They will come.
Create some conflict so you constantly get on the TV news. Tie yourself to a bicycle or lawnmower, anything. Have some children weeping for mother earth and demanding their rights, that the earth be saved. They will come.
Have a few famous folks, musicians, actors, Hollywood types, come and shout and cry on camera. They can claim outrage. Doesn't matter what about... Tell them it will be good for their careers. They will come.
Start a bed tax and use the money to promote the shit out of everything. It's all lies....doesn't matter. They will come
Soon your town and sound will be overflowing with gawkers, walkers hippies and foreigners, tourists and professional and gov't types studying you and everything around you. Videos will appear about everything and everybody. Everyone will be famous for just being there. Your town will have been discovered.
Port Alice can put on Festivals, like the "Small Trees Have Feelings Too" festival, and the "Sophisticated Bassoons of the World Music Festival". Throw in some colourful costumes. Tourist love that schtick. They will come
Soon your town will triple in size, business will be way up. But your town still won't be able to run a skating rink. The tourists don't need it and the new folks who come into town don't care. They will direct all their efforts into screwing the housing markets and spending the towns resources on tourist promotions and big city consultants. They will promote the shit out of everything even more, It is all lies, but don't worry nobody cares. This is the way it is done. They will come even in greater numbers.
The arena will have to be removed, of course. Torn down to make way for some visitor center and minigolf amusement, because some European bureaucrats and American environmentalist have determined that the antiquated ice making equipment is emitting some vibration, or something bad, the Zamboni makes noises like farting,or something. Doesn't matter what. Something has to be done. Doesn't matter that you have had the rink for generations and it is the center of the local culture. Culture is for other people. Like folks in National Geographic Magazines. You are not entitled to have a culture. You are from Port Alice.... Just being from Port Alice obviously violates some UN policies. The peoples of the world have rights to silent space, whatever. Your killing the world with that rink....
Regardless of the reality that you can no longer look out from your Port Alice windows to see the serenity of the sound, in peace and warm autumn sunshine. It is a maze of boats, planes and funseekers letting off fireworks and thousands of yoga gurus standing on their heads. They have come.
But it is OK because, now that the town has been SAVED, you can now sell out for a good buck and move to Port Hardy....they have a rink there.... where the local folks skate and the kids play hockey.....It has yet to be SAVED.
2 comments:
These people should simply realize that things have changed, resource based industries are a thing of the past. Why don't they focus on the new gold rush, tourism! Not only tourism, but short term rentals, real estate speculation, and the real cash cow, Surf Shops! Just announcing that a community is now a "tourist destination" will, overnight, raise prices in the local restaurants by as much as 150%!
Jobs!! It's about jobs!! How about fish farms? Aquaculture provides lots of local jobs, and there's a large salt water inlet adjacent to the town.
People just need to adapt to changing times.
Hey, Tofino has a bunch of dedicated municipal staff, that we'd be delighted to get rid of, who could teach Port Alice how it's done.
Have they considered the many benefits of festivals?
Good to see the people of Port Alice are trying to SAVE the town...
What to do?
First.
Port Alice needs to get the UN to declare the entire area, Port Alice the whole sound out to the open ocean, as a Biosphere Reserve. They will come.
Then fake some pictures of an excellent left breaking surfing wave at Winter Harbour. This only happens one day a year but it doesn't matter. It's all bullcrap, but it doesn't matter. Promote the shit out of any wild animal that moves and has cute furry babies. Find some stuffed ones if necessary. They will come.
Create some conflict so you constantly get on the TV news. Tie yourself to a bicycle or lawnmower, anything. Have some children weeping for mother earth and demanding their rights, that the earth be saved. They will come.
Have a few famous folks, musicians, actors, Hollywood types, come and shout and cry on camera. They can claim outrage. Doesn't matter what about... Tell them it will be good for their careers. They will come.
Start a bed tax and use the money to promote the shit out of everything. It's all lies....doesn't matter. They will come
Soon your town and sound will be overflowing with gawkers, walkers hippies and foreigners, tourists and professional and gov't types studying you and everything around you. Videos will appear about everything and everybody. Everyone will be famous for just being there. Your town will have been discovered.
Port Alice can put on Festivals, like the "Small Trees Have Feelings Too" festival, and the "Sophisticated Bassoons of the World Music Festival". Throw in some colourful costumes. Tourist love that schtick. They will come
Soon your town will triple in size, business will be way up. But your town still won't be able to run a skating rink. The tourists don't need it and the new folks who come into town don't care. They will direct all their efforts into screwing the housing markets and spending the towns resources on tourist promotions and big city consultants. They will promote the shit out of everything even more, It is all lies, but don't worry nobody cares. This is the way it is done. They will come even in greater numbers.
The arena will have to be removed, of course. Torn down to make way for some visitor center and minigolf amusement, because some European bureaucrats and American environmentalist have determined that the antiquated ice making equipment is emitting some vibration, or something bad, the Zamboni makes noises like farting,or something. Doesn't matter what. Something has to be done. Doesn't matter that you have had the rink for generations and it is the center of the local culture. Culture is for other people. Like folks in National Geographic Magazines. You are not entitled to have a culture. You are from Port Alice.... Just being from Port Alice obviously violates some UN policies. The peoples of the world have rights to silent space, whatever. Your killing the world with that rink....
Regardless of the reality that you can no longer look out from your Port Alice windows to see the serenity of the sound, in peace and warm autumn sunshine. It is a maze of boats, planes and funseekers letting off fireworks and thousands of yoga gurus standing on their heads. They have come.
But it is OK because, now that the town has been SAVED, you can now sell out for a good buck and move to Port Hardy....they have a rink there....
where the local folks skate and the kids play hockey.....It has yet to be SAVED.
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